Belonging

She felt as though she had never really fit in anywhere.  Never really belonged.  She hadn’t grown up in one place, her family had moved frequently from town to town which meant new schools, new friends, always seeking acceptance.  Later this wanderlust remained.  Her gypsy blood meant more travelling – never really putting down roots, a constant stream of new homes, new towns, new jobs, new countries.

She was viewed as an extrovert, but she was only that when in the comfort of her own environment. Ironically her confidence waned often, she felt she was always not quite good enough.  Just enough talent but no more.  Circling the edges, awaiting acceptance.

Along with travel, she’d tried many things over the years, many hobbies, pursuits, as a child and now an adult.  A magpie, following that which was bright and shiny.  The next best thing.  The thing that would become her obsession for a while and energise her creative mind. The thing that would give her the acceptance she craved, that elusive sense of belonging.

Her creative mind craved expansion.  She wanted to try new things, immerse herself for a while … a taste was never enough.  All or nothing … searching .. seeking ….then nothing.

As a child it was dance, highland dancing and then a bit of ballet, but her family’s regular moves made it impossible to gain traction and finesse.  Later it was horses.  Always a passion with horses. Waterskiing, rock climbing, even a short stint with martial arts.  She spent a few years as a Cheerleader, dabbled in theatre, tried painting, burlesque, yoga, pilates, dog shows ….. the list was long and varied.  Somethings were revisited.  Others tried and forgotten.  Friends made and lost along the way.   Never quite breaking in or through.  Just enough talent but no more.  Horses and dancing the only constant. And still, never that sense of belonging.

The one thing she had become good at was making friends.  She became a chameleon, changing and adapting to her new school, job, town. It was a skill she’d had to learn, to adapt quickly through all the moves as a child, and then as an adult, travelling.  A few friends became close and stay closed, spanning geographic challenges and decades.  Others came and went – to fill a void, a need, and then gone. Still precious, no less important to her, but time and distance played their part.

And now here she was.  Finally in one place for nearly ten years and she felt happy.  She knew she didn’t want to leave. She wondered if this was it.  The sense of belonging she’d always craved.  Her job, her friends, this seaside town that had become her “village’ …. Her home.

She belonged.